California Health Insurance Quotes and Blog

A California health insurance agent had to be summoned to Sacramento when budget cuts threatened to put the kibosh on Mother’s Day. 

Health Insurance

Everyone has a mother – even in California. A mother is often the first memory we have, and in most cases, except where the mother happens to be a “bad Mommy,” and often not even then, we tend to cherish our mothers and want to celebrate them on that Sunday in May set aside. Andrew S. Samaritan, a California Health Insurance agent based in Fresno, kept getting calls from his clients.

“Did you hear what they’re doing? I read it in the paper,” an elderly woman screamed, one who had a policy in good standing, “Andrew, are you listening to me?”

Andrew tried at first to accept the loss of Mother’s Day with quiet resignation. His mother and he had never gotten along. He began quietly humming. “Andrew!” the woman screamed again, “Mother’s Day is my day. It’s the only day that my son Mordred realizes I’m alive!”

Andrew knew Mordred, and didn’t particularly like him either, although he also purchased a policy and it was a family plan in good standing.  “I’ll see what I can do,” Andrew said, determined to do nothing, and hoping it would all blow over. It didn’t.

Mordred called next. “I can’t stand it!” he screamed, “My mother is going crazy over this thing about Mother’s Day being cancelled. You know the governor’s influential aide. Will you drive up to Sacramento and help?”

“It’s only cancelled for this year,” Andrew said, “until they get money back in the till.” He said this in the tone not fitting for an empathetic California Health Insurance agent, as if the crisis was no big deal.

“It IS a big deal!” screamed Mordred, as if HE were able to read Andrew’s mind, and hung up.

Seventy-eight calls from clients later, Andrew Samaritan decided to become a Good Samaritan. He got in his Honda Accord and headed up to the State Capitol.

The task at hand was speaking to the influential aide that he knew. The aide was actually Andrew’s sixth cousin, twice removed, once forcibly, in many ways a bad Samaritan.

But this story has a happy ending, and Mother’s Day was restored. Things would be fine for awhile, until everybody discovered that they’d cancelled Christmas.

California Health Insurance agents often hear the cry “May Day! May Day!” Once if by land, and twice if by sea, goes the calamitous refrain. But what kind of plan covers a potentially catastrophic overhyped personal disaster that might lead to hospitalization within the earshot of bleating hearts?

May Day! May Day! It sounds a lot like Chicken Little saying that the sky is falling. Although the sky would fall if it could, as it happens to not be a big admirer of gravity, such a thing probably won’t happen in our lifetimes. So what’s all the commotion about?

Stephen P. Positive, a Polyannish California Health Insurance agent, had heard about May Day from several of his clients who had purchased policies. He was an honest guy, like virtually all California Health Insurance agents, just trying to make a living. Plus, his customers noted that he possessed a cheerful countenance within his “attitude of gratitude.”

One client who had a large family spoke of May Days past in the context of dancing around a Maypole, and celebrating the labor movement, but he was a liberal, and they were nearly extinct, weren’t they?

Mostly what Stephen got from his clients when they spoke about May Day were emergencies, most of them garden-variety in the larger scheme of things, certainly relative to a falling sky, which would indeed be a serious matter, Stephen mused, but most emergencies are just so important to someone when they are actually happening, even a kid falling off a swing, or grandpa forgetting to take his medication. So when he heard a litany of Maydays over the phone, every single day, they began to run together, which was human nature for Stephen, and you couldn’t really blame him.

It happened one day. Who would have thunk it? The client who was a liberal, his wife called Stephen, and she was frantic. “It’s my husband; he was dancing around the Maypole and …”

Stephen assured her that her husband was indeed covered, that their policy was in good standing, and he even calmly told her what to do next, about 911, and what to do with the Maypole, and not to shout “May Day! May Day!” over the phone when she called the emergency operator, acting Willy Nilly, as if she were Chicken Little.

Five-year-old Brooklyn and three-year-old Emma-Jeanne hatched a diabolical plan in order to avoid Earth Day cleanup chores – a family tradition. They’d eat lots of earthworms and get sick. Fortunately, their guardians had known enough to buy two individual child plans from a California Health Insurance agent.

Earth Day was a Gaia-bration in the Aguirre household. “We have to clean up the Earth,” Mother Mixie told five-year-old Brooklyn and three-year-old Emma-Jeanne, “That’s what Earth Day is for.”

But the girls didn’t want to go outside to the town dump to do clean up chores with a bunch of people, especially adults, that they didn’t know. Besides, they were watching Dora the Explorer on TV and Dora was about to do something really exciting. 

Mother Mixie had other ideas. She reached over to shut off the TV. “But Dora was going to”– Brooklyn said. Emma-Jeanne merely wailed. “Waaa!” she screamed.

The girls were marched off with Mother Mixie to the environs adjacent to the town dump where there were woods and lots of trash, mostly paper products to clean up, but no playground for kids and worse, no TV. “Here’s a big trash bag for my big girls,” Mother Mixie instructed. “It’ll be fun to fill it with trash — like those paper cups and plates,” she pointed to. But Brooklyn and Emma-Jeanne had other ideas. The grassy area by the woods where they were also had lots of wormholes where the worms came up for nice spring air. Brooklyn whispered something in her little sister’s ear. Both tykes smiled and with Mother Mixie off supervising and not paying attention, the commenced eating worms. “They’re like spaghetti,” Emma-Jeanne said, with a struggling worm blindly groping as it protruded from her little lips. The taste wasn’t so unpleasant and they weren’t chewing – but fifteen minutes later both toddlers were getting very sick. Finally, Mother Mixie looked over at them, her attention captured by Brooklyn’s last squirming snack. “What are you girls doing?” Mother Mixie screamed.  

But their diabolical plan had worked. Within five minutes the girls were headed toward the nearest ER. They even had a TV in their room in the children’s wing where they ended up. It was all paid for too – as Mother Mixie had purchased two child plans from a California Health Insurance agent. Guess what was on the TV? Why it was the very same episode of Dora the Explorer that they’d been watching when Dora was about to do something exciting.