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Stian had never been considered especially responsible by his parents – until he “popped the question” to a helpful California health insurance agent.

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 He was blonde, tall, handsome and invincible according to his peers, a group of fellow 24-year-olds considered equally invincible by each other. All of them were recent college graduates prone to taking incredible risks. Bryan, a heavy-set version of Stian, liked to hang glide off the steepest California cliff faces, catching the first thermal while shouting madly in his counterfeit Dylanesque twang, “You don’t need a weatherman to see which way the wind blows.” Angela, an emaciated version of Bryan, did roulette drugs by needle just “for the thrill of it.” Carrie, a Gothic version of Angela, enjoyed being buried alive and popping up unexpectedly in the manner of her cinematic namesake.

Stian would run barefoot through rattlesnake pits with one of his friends holding a stopwatch as he raced to and fro. “Do it again,” Angela would trill, “You’re so funny.” Carrie would pop up like a tart and sometimes Bryan would glide into view, usually with a beer in his left hand, the sinister one.

“Where did he come from?” they’d all ask, except for Stian, who was concentrating on the pit vipers.

But one day Stian’s parents Joe and Flo came by to bring their son a latte. “What do you think you’re doing?” asked a horrified Joe.

“He’s twenty-four and still doesn’t have the sense of a pet rock,” murmured Flo.

“You’d think he’d at least have health insurance when he pulls these stunts.” Joe told his wife, still in a state of shock for the moment instead of The Golden State, “But no-o, not our irresponsible son.”

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Stian gingerly stopped his antics with the snakes and stepped out of the pit as if he’d been bitten. He’d overheard what his parents had been saying about him. He was sobbing as he walked past an incredulous Angela, Carrie, and Bryan straight to his parents, also incredulous.  “Here’s your latte,” his mother said, attempting to hand it to him.

“Hold onto that,” Stian said, still teary-eyed, “just hand me your cell.” Flo’s cell phone was pink, with black crocodiles on the receiver.

“Who are you going to call?” Joe asked softly.

Through a drizzle of tears, came the answer, rather defiantly, “Your California health insurance agent. I’ll bet she has a low cost plan for people my age.”

“That’s my boy,” said Flo, her own tears forming.

“He’s a man, not a boy anymore,” Joe replied, choking up too. “Stian knows what he’s doing.”

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Sam Mason had recently been laid off from Escondido’s Hog Heaven pig farm. “Working there saved my bacon,” the somewhat virile father of seventeen often said as he reminisced. His wife Alicia had lost her job too, at the nearby Rude Awakening Agnostic Pre-School, where she’d worked part-time Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, sans benefits. Sam had also lost his health insurance, which had been part of the pig farm’s benefit package. He’d had a PPO with a $50.00 deductible. The premium was $1,460.00 a month under the pig farm’s rather demeaning “runt plan” but Hog Heaven picked up all but 10% so he’d allowed the unintended slight to pass. Being laid off meant COBRA if he wanted it, but he didn’t because 102% in his case would soon turn into a rather odious piggyback.

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Anyway, other challenges beckoned. Putting food on the table, especially healthy food, for his newly poverty-stricken spouse and brood, the eldest eighteen and male but also unemployed, seemed more daunting than neutering a big ‘un. Sitting on the family’s prized “cozying up” couch agonizing about “taking his brood down to the trough” as he put it, a cheap group meal served for nineteen featuring cholesterol-laden cheeseburgers and fries, seemed like cruel fate until he recalled a tip he’d gotten from a visiting California Health Insurance Agent when he’d still been slopping at Hog Heaven. A huge Farmer’s Market had opened roadside on I-15 down towards San Diego. He didn’t have a fortune in cash on hand, but “Maybe we can work something out,” he told Alicia. “I’ll say a p-prayer,” she said, committing to religiosity as much any laid-off agnostic can.

It must have worked. The Mason adults and some of their older kids wound up “working for food” and came home with a carload of fresh fruits and vegetables and even a year’s supply of tofu. The tofu prompted the Mason’s articulate twelve-year-old, Timothy, a tiny boy for his age, to invent a pun. “They’ll be calling us “Curd Nerds,” he kept on saying, in his own peculiar if also irritating fashion.

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Gilead McBride was laid off from his job at the refinery and used some accumulated capital to fulfill a lifelong dream and start a new business. But he ran into a glitch and needed Matt’s help.

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Gilead McBride called Matt one summer day to invite him to the candle factory. “I’ll make it worth your while,” Gilead said. Gilead and Matt went way back.

It was up in Oxnard, by the tracks, in a part of town that smelled bad. Matt didn’t know what to expect. When Matt Lockard opened the door to the factory, the aromatics were sinus-draining, making his eyes water. “What is this place?” he asked Gilead.

“We make candles,” Gilead replied.

“I thought you worked in a refinery outside of Escondido,” Matt said.

“Nope, they laid me off after twenty-six years. But this is my dream.”

“Making candles?”

 “Not just candles, we make candles with exotic scents.”

Matt followed Gilead to an assembly line where samples of scents lay at the ready.

He picked up a candle, yellow with black stripes. It vaguely resembled a candy cane impersonating a yellowjacket. “Here, smell it.” Gilead said.

Matt reluctantly took a whiff. Something vaguely like manure greeted his nostrils.

“Distant horse stable,” said Gideon proudly, without being asked. Other candles followed in quick succession. Soon Matt’s olfactory sense felt like it’d been assaulted.

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There was a subtle odor of something cooking. Smelled like walking through a tight knit apartment complex. Matt couldn’t quite put his finger on that smell. Familiar but not really inviting like you’ll never own it. “It’s called, ‘Hey, what’s that you’re eating?’” Gideon explained.

A beige-colored candle with the scent of baby powder and sour milk, its scent described as “baby fingers” almost made the California Health Insurance agent gag.

Finally, as Matt escaped into the candle factory’s sealed air-conditioned office, he found out what Gideon had been wanting all along.

“The state says I need group health insurance for my employees, and Cobra is too expensive,” the fledgling candle-maker explained. Matt had noticed some employees milling about in the factory. They seemed listless, probably from smelling too many of these candles. Group health insurance would be needed here, probably in a hurry.

“I can help,” Matt Lockard said, sniffing again once more just to see if he could.

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