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A pleasant afternoon of Temecula Valley wine tasting is ruined by killer bees, but Chris and Sally Sadhart were at least prepared for the stinging contingency by their California Health Insurance agent.

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Wine Tasting

Chris and Sally would never have thunk it. They were an amorous and amiable couple, married for the better part of three years, prudent in the extreme, and were headed out to Temecula for a pleasant sojourn of wine tasting. “The tour will be fun,” Sally said, “and the local wines are superb.”

But there were so many wineries to choose from. Finally, a fateful decision was made. They turned their 2007 Toyota Tundra into the driveway and parked.

The tour began pleasantly enough. Harry, their guide and waiter, brought over twin tasting glasses of Syrah. “It’s a dry red table wine,” he said, “very nice.”

“Very nice,” Chris and Sally echoed in unison. The afternoon was perfect. A cloudless sky, not excessively hot, a little breeze was blowing at low levels near the ground, like a miniature headwind. It felt good on the skin.

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Next was a Cabernet Sauvignon. “This one is mild, note its deep red color, and its blackberry aroma,” the suave Harry said, dressed in a lavender Tuxedo, to accent certain flavors.

“Wow,” said Sally, “this is wonderful!”

“Indeed,” echoed Chris.

Harry interjected a factoid to make the couple’s experience yet more delicious. “Were you aware that this Sauvignon is aged in oak barrels for 18 months prior to bottling?”

He didn’t say that the particular oak tree on the premises used by the winery for bottling had been destroyed because it had been infested by killer bees.

“No, we weren’t aware,” Chris replied a little too loudly and emphatically.

The Zinfandel arrived next at their outdoor table. “This white dessert wine doesn’t age well, I’m afraid,” he spoke a second prior to the look of pure fear becoming apparent on his features.

At the worst possible moment, the Sadharts began arguing.

“It’s spicy,” said Sally.

“You’re wrong. It’s fruity!” Chris yelled with altogether too much emphasis.

The swarm of killer bees, guided to their table by the current of the micro-breeze and the vibrations of their arguing and possibly by Harry’s colorful if incongruous attire, began stinging the couple again and again. This did not feel good on the skin.

The Sadharts were fortunate that Harry had once been an ambulance driver and that an Urgent Care center was very close, and especially that the bills were taken care of.

“It was prudent of us to obtain emergency coverage from a California Health Insurance agent,” Sally purred through swollen lips a few days later. “We were extremely prudent, dear, although we’ll be in agony for the next few weeks.”

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Sam Mason had recently been laid off from Escondido’s Hog Heaven pig farm. “Working there saved my bacon,” the somewhat virile father of seventeen often said as he reminisced. His wife Alicia had lost her job too, at the nearby Rude Awakening Agnostic Pre-School, where she’d worked part-time Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, sans benefits. Sam had also lost his health insurance, which had been part of the pig farm’s benefit package. He’d had a PPO with a $50.00 deductible. The premium was $1,460.00 a month under the pig farm’s rather demeaning “runt plan” but Hog Heaven picked up all but 10% so he’d allowed the unintended slight to pass. Being laid off meant COBRA if he wanted it, but he didn’t because 102% in his case would soon turn into a rather odious piggyback.

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Anyway, other challenges beckoned. Putting food on the table, especially healthy food, for his newly poverty-stricken spouse and brood, the eldest eighteen and male but also unemployed, seemed more daunting than neutering a big ‘un. Sitting on the family’s prized “cozying up” couch agonizing about “taking his brood down to the trough” as he put it, a cheap group meal served for nineteen featuring cholesterol-laden cheeseburgers and fries, seemed like cruel fate until he recalled a tip he’d gotten from a visiting California Health Insurance Agent when he’d still been slopping at Hog Heaven. A huge Farmer’s Market had opened roadside on I-15 down towards San Diego. He didn’t have a fortune in cash on hand, but “Maybe we can work something out,” he told Alicia. “I’ll say a p-prayer,” she said, committing to religiosity as much any laid-off agnostic can.

It must have worked. The Mason adults and some of their older kids wound up “working for food” and came home with a carload of fresh fruits and vegetables and even a year’s supply of tofu. The tofu prompted the Mason’s articulate twelve-year-old, Timothy, a tiny boy for his age, to invent a pun. “They’ll be calling us “Curd Nerds,” he kept on saying, in his own peculiar if also irritating fashion.

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