Thirty-four year old Geronimo Jones, hypochondriac and confirmed cheapskate, was lying in bed painfully pondering. He’d been plagued by headaches and this one was a “doozy.” Tylenol hadn’t helped. Geronimo’s split-level ranch in Modesto recently had an alarm installed; he’d gotten a deal. Drifting off to an anguished sleep, Geronimo possibly awakened; he wasn’t sure, instead of a clanging alarm he heard only silence, and was taken, by what appeared to be silver-throated aliens, at least several – one wearing a funny extraterrestrial baker’s hat. Up to the mother ship he possibly went, he wasn’t sure exactly how, it didn’t involve diesel. He lay naked on a metallic table unable to move anything but his pinkies, staring at what appeared to be a photograph of a cat; it probably had fur.

The probing began. One alien seemed to have a medical background, and was evidently very thorough.  It felt very good; whatever he was doing. But a weird voice oozing out of an orifice that might have been the creature’s mouth suddenly blasted Geronimo out of his reverie like a Buck Rogers laser beam.  “Do you have Earthling coverage?”

The next morning, Geronimo Jones for the first time in a year didn’t have a headache but was having a panic attack. “Are those aliens crazy? I didn’t ask to be admitted to their mother ship. Are they going to charge me for treatment?”

Geronimo charged. Impulsively, he put in a frantic call to his California Health Insurance agent. Ring. Ring. Pick up, pick up. “Yes,” said the agent, a woman with a pleasant feline voice, akin to a human purr.   

“This is Mr. Jones.”

“Geronimo from Modesto?”

“Yes. It happened last night.”

“What?”

“I was abducted by aliens.”

“Again?”

“This time they want to charge me for the medical care. Can they do that?”

The cat-like agent was quick on her feet. She pounced. “Yes, if they call me, they actually can. But they’ll have to call me.”

Geronimo felt calm again. Thinking it over, he felt like he’d made out like a bandit. More importantly, he didn’t have a headache.

RV Sightseeing Trip Jeopardized By Avoidable

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Pete Klodhoppian and his wife Esmeralda’s close encounter of the worst kind only ends with a Blue Card System reprieve.

Peter C. “Pete” Klodhoppian and his beloved wife of 63 years, Esmeralda, had always dreamed of using their recreational vehicle, which they considered a spacious fourteen-footer, for a sightseeing trip through the American West. “Maybe we’ll get all the way to California,” Esmeralda told Pete one day when their dream still seemed unattainable.

It was unattainable, mainly because Esmeralda had never driven a vehicle, and Pete’s license had been suspended for twelve years, when he’d been caught with an open case of Nyquil in their Buick Electra, and been charged with a DUI as he put it, “just like a school kid.” Being a confirmed procrastinator, he’d missed numerous court dates when it had happened, and fearing the “red tape” that retired persons surely must face in order to reinstate driver’s licenses, he’d “never gotten around to it.”

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But one day he did and off they went. One thing Pete suddenly noticed about Esmeralda was her curiosity. Every place they stopped along the way, she would get out and stretch her legs, and peek under every rock within reach. These obsessive Esmeraldan activities were engaged in without incident until they reached Arizona’s Painted Desert. While lifting a two-pound rock, she’d begun poking around when Pete heard a scream. Is that a bobcat? Pete mused, his natural tendency to procrastinate kicking in. Nope. Lumbering over to where his wife was standing behind their RV, he saw in the glare of his flashlight a blotchy lizard holding on to her outstretched hand, his wife’s face contorted in pain.

“It won’t let go,” she yelled again, in a surprisingly hostile manner.

“I can see that,” he said, “Looks like you caught yourself a Gila monster.” Fortunately, Pete had a cell phone. He did procrastinate, but eventually called the BlueCard Worldwide Service Center, attempting to find the nearest hospital.

“Good thing we’re BlueCard members,” he told her later in the hospital, drooling as he kissed her grossly swollen left hand and forearm.

“Stop it you old fool,” she said, still grimacing.

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Gilead McBride called Matt one summer day to invite him to the candle factory. “I’ll make it worth your while,” Gilead said. Gilead and Matt went way back.

It was up in Oxnard, by the tracks, in a part of town that smelled bad. Matt didn’t know what to expect. When Matt Lockard opened the door to the factory, the aromatics were sinus-draining, making his eyes water. “What is this place?” he asked Gilead.

“We make candles,” Gilead replied.

“I thought you worked in a refinery outside of Escondido,” Matt said.

“Nope, they laid me off after twenty-six years. But this is my dream.”

“Making candles?”

 “Not just candles, we make candles with exotic scents.”

Matt followed Gilead to an assembly line where samples of scents lay at the ready.

He picked up a candle, yellow with black stripes. It vaguely resembled a candy cane impersonating a yellowjacket. “Here, smell it.” Gilead said.

Matt reluctantly took a whiff. Something vaguely like manure greeted his nostrils.

“Distant horse stable,” said Gideon proudly, without being asked. Other candles followed in quick succession. Soon Matt’s olfactory sense felt like it’d been assaulted.

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There was a subtle odor of something cooking. Smelled like walking through a tight knit apartment complex. Matt couldn’t quite put his finger on that smell. Familiar but not really inviting like you’ll never own it. “It’s called, ‘Hey, what’s that you’re eating?’” Gideon explained.

A beige-colored candle with the scent of baby powder and sour milk, its scent described as “baby fingers” almost made the California Health Insurance agent gag.

Finally, as Matt escaped into the candle factory’s sealed air-conditioned office, he found out what Gideon had been wanting all along.

“The state says I need group health insurance for my employees, and Cobra is too expensive,” the fledgling candle-maker explained. Matt had noticed some employees milling about in the factory. They seemed listless, probably from smelling too many of these candles. Group health insurance would be needed here, probably in a hurry.

“I can help,” Matt Lockard said, sniffing again once more just to see if he could.

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The Elberts, James, wife Jane, and the kids – Patrick, Jorel, and Wendy – at first glance epitomized the average American family living in La Puente. Dark-haired with pleasant, angular faces, they weren’t ugly; each was well-spoken and polite, although Wendy the youngest was only nine.  On second glance, one noticed that each of them possessed seven fingers on each hand, and if their bare feet were inspected, seven toes on each foot. When 17-year-old Jorel was in an accident at the factory, he proved to be less than a Superman; one of two left index fingers had been nearly severed at the second joint in a slicing machine. At the hospital, Jorel came in with his Dad. The first question asked by an on-duty intake woman seemed like a given, “Do you have insurance young man?” The teenager was lapsing into shock, but managed to look at his father who handled the visual cue appropriately. “No, he doesn’t,” the seven-fingered man admitted. “Why not?” the diligent hospital employee asked, musing about bills never paid when patients prove indigent. When James scratched his forehead in plain view, she considered if she wasn’t being given an extra finger or two. She finally smiled pleasantly when the man assumed responsibility then and there. “I’ll sign for the bills!”

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Jorel was admitted, and the hospital saved his finger.

But this incident gave way to serious soul-searching on the part of Mr. Elbert. “Why don’t we have a family plan?” he pondered. Deep down, he knew. During his otherwise uneventful childhood, James had been told by a wizened grandmother figure living in the home that because he had seven digits on each limb, that he was cursed, and if he ever married a woman with more digits than she was entitled to “by a just God,” then at the very least their family would someday be categorically denied family health insurance coverage. Still, he possessed extraordinary courage and picked up the phone, his fingers like a spider’s legs, and called the first California health insurance agent that came into view.

It was Matt Lockard. After hearing the story, he made his comment succinct. “Wizened grandmother figures always say that in situations like yours. That’s why they don’t sell family plans.”

To learn more please visit: http://www.mattsinsurance4ca.com

Mattsinsurance4ca.com is a licensed health insurance agent in California. They provide instant online quote for health insurance, Medicare Supplements, travel health insurance, and child only health insurance.

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Bill and Edna Octavian each came from large families. Raised as friendly neighbors among the majestic redwoods of Mt. Shasta country, Bill was seventh of ten children; Edna was third eldest in an “old-fashioned” family of eleven siblings. When they married as childhood sweethearts in 1986, it was not surprising that Edna was soon “expecting.” Fifteen offspring later, she finally became content just to mother the ones she’d already had. “Cheaper by the dozen,” Bill liked to say, and the first dozen; Cynthia, Edna Jr., Sam, Trevor, Robert, Fred, Karen, Octavia, Peter, Simone, Clifton, and Roger, seemed that way at times, but then along came Paul, Maureen, and Sippy. In fact, it was Sippy’s broken arm (she fell from a backyard redwood while playing “I can see ALL the Octavians!”), that precipitated the discovery: The family no longer had health insurance! They’d had it back in the early 1990s when Sam was still the youngest, but they’d allowed that plan to expire, not giving it undue thought being preoccupied with other matters, and now all these kids later, it seemed that even finding a decent plan suited to their prolific circumstances would prove a task suitable for Paul Bunyan. But how to pay for Sippy’s surgery, there’s the rub. Bill felt overwhelmed and decided to pay the hospital bill out of pocket. But being a mere copywriter at an advertising agency, he suddenly worried about the next time. Fortunately, he knew just what to do. “I’m going to find us a California health insurance agent,” he told Edna. Edna, prone to pinching pennies, in this case unwisely, screamed, “No Bill, don’t do it! What if it’s a long distance call?” But Bill was undeterred.

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A few days later, The Octavians not only had their “king-sized” family plan, as Bill and Edna referred to it, but also a CURRENT and extremely helpful California health insurance agent to call their own. “He’s a nice man,” little Sippy said matter-of-factly, her arm still encased in a cast.

Matt Lockard – California Health Insurance agency offers health insurance plans for individuals, families, and children. Also available are California Medicare Supplement policies. Go to http://mattsinsurance4ca.com to get an instant health insurance quote.

Matt Lockard – California Health Insurance agency offers health insurance plans for individuals, families, and children. Also available are California Medicare Supplement policies. Go to http://mattsinsurance4ca.com to get an instant health insurance quote.

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Fred, a confirmed bachelor and still single, upon receiving his monthly statement, was shocked to discover that his health insurance premium had nearly doubled one month. Upon further investigation when he called his agent to complain, he learned that for more than two years he’d been paying an extra $104.00 per month, and that this resulted from maternity coverage.

“That should be easy to fix,” he confidently told his agent, “I’m single and a 59-year-old male. When do I start getting the lowered rate, and maybe money returned to me retroactively?”

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“Not so fast,” Fred’s inadequate agent blithely replied, “You failed to correct it.”

“I failed to correct it?”

“That’s right. It’s your responsibility.”

“How is it my responsibility?”

“I can explain it to you.”

“Please do,” whimpered Fred, now shaken to the core of his being after realizing that for two years he’d been categorized by his trusted insurance carrier as having the potential to become a pregnant woman and never so much as eaten a pickle. Recovering a bit of his dignity, he started to become indignant, something that the agent could instinctively sense.

The agent now realized in the nick of time that explaining how the mistake had come to be was not only prudent but the right thing to do.

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“Here’s what happened,” he began blithely spouting, “When you first joined up with this health insurance plan, we sent you a booklet describing coverage in every particular. The maternity coverage clause was mentioned in that. You should have chosen a plan that excluded maternity coverage to begin with. The plan you picked had maternity coverage in case you became pregnant. ”

“But I’m a guy.”

The agent softened a bit hearing that. “You had ten days to examine the coverage. We never heard from you about maternity coverage.”

Fred won’t get his money back but it’s not too late to find a competent California Health Insurance Agent.

Get to know your health insurance agent. Don’t let this happen to you. There are plenty of reliable health insurance agents like Matt Lockard of MattsInsurance4CA.com who have the experience and knowledge to help you find a health plan that will cover what you need and only what you need.

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Our services begin with California health insurance plans for individuals and families. A free and accurate instant quote awaits you at MattsInsurance4CA.com. We offer Medicare Supplement Insurance plans to fill in those tricky “medigaps.” Instant quotes are also available for term life insurance, so that your loved ones can be provided for when the time comes. Dental insurance plans can be quite complicated, but we offer dental plans which can be tailored to healthier smiles. Access to reliable health care via child health insurance is a necessary part of any child’s development. But without a reliable plan for your child or children, young people can needlessly be placed at risk. Quotes for child plans are also available instantly on our convenient website. How about medical insurance protecting you or your loved ones when you’re traveling? Matts offers travel medical insurance to citizens of any nationality worldwide. We provide individual or group travel medical insurance for:

• Individual coverage for a vacation
• Your employees in locations around the world
• Long and Short Term coverage for mission organizations and missionaries
• Exchange student health insurance

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Last but far from least, is our health insurance Anthem (Blue Cross) for Californians, one of our most popular choices. Our service and expertise provides our Anthem customers with a distinct advantage.

Whether you need an individual or family plan, a child-only plan, or a senior plan, Matts Health Insurance Services has a health plan that’s right for you. Matts options include affordable monthly premiums, discounts on medical care, and your choice of doctors.

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Mattsinsurance4ca.com is a licensed health insurance agent in California. They provide instant online quote for health insurance, Medicare Supplements, travel health insurance, and child only health insurance.

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Unfortunately it is a fact that over 50% of all marriages end in divorce and the process is emotional for all parties involved. Each parent has their own objectives and desired outcome form the abrogation of the marital contract and neither have a desire to injure any of the children. However, in some cases there seems to have been unintended consequences which leave the children either left out of insurance coverage’s or with sub standard coverage provided by a state program.

Case in point the divorce decree calls for the Husband to carry the child/ children on his group health insurance policy and all seems ok until the Husband is laid off. The options are for the ex employee to take advantage of COBRA which is up to 102% of the cost of the insurance coverage. Unfortunately this may not be the best insurance solution.

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Another situation comes up when the Husband is paying for the child on his group policy but mom takes the child into another state. This situation can give rise to a myriad of problems. The group policy may not cover out of state or is the insurance program is a HMO , PPO or other form of Managed care there may not be doctors or facilities “in network” and the cost of care may increase.

The answer is in planning. Both parents must council with their respective attorneys and agree to make sure the child’s health care does not slip through the cracks. Perhaps the best solution is to provide for separate policies for the children with funding from a source other than an employer.

Many large California health insurers have set up programs to cover such contingencies which provide “child only” plans at very reasonable cost.

Divorcing couples should take a look at these programs and make sure the children have coverage until they are adults.

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Most of the articles I read about Universal Health Care are peppered with two phrases, “Health Care” and “Health Insurance”. The two are very different yet most articles combine the two as one item. So I’d like to clear up the difference between the two so that there is no further confusion.

Let’s start by defining the two phrases with Wikipedia.
• Health care*: healthcare is the prevention, treatment, and management of illness and the preservation of mental and physical well being through the services offered by the medical, nursing, and allied health professions.

• Health Insurance*: The term health insurance is generally used to describe a form of insurance that pays for medical expenses.

Now that we know the difference between the two I want to bring in a few quotes from the latetest Health care news I’ll find on Google.

Here’s one:
Mary Shesgreen from the Daily Herald says in her article titled “Support move to universal health care” that in the U.S 18,000 people die each year from lack of access to Health Care* (Please refer to the definition above on what health care* is). Mary goes on to say that the people who pay for our medical expenses (see Health Insurance* above) are enormous parasite on the U.S. Health Care* system. Okay, please refer back to the definitions at this point. The people paying the bills, are the so called parasites? Mary has just told us that the person paying our medical bills is bad and that the  Health Care* providers who are charging the enormous amounts for HEALTH CARE* not to blame. You now, when I read this type of thinking I’m reminded of that show on MTV called My Super Sweet 16. It’s the show with the spoiled brats who want everything handed to them on daddy’s bill. I always think to myself that the spoiled little brat should make her own money and pay for her own things if she’s so unhappy. So I’d like to say to Mary, if you’re so unhappy, fire your health insurance* company and pay for your own “Health Care*”. And you can walk into any Doctors office or hospital and you’ll be accepted because after all, you’re a paying customer. Go ahead nobody’s stopping you. You can do it.

Oh, but wait. Health Care* is expensive you say. Why do think that is? Who’s the one making it expensive? Now that you fired your health insurance* company and pay you own Health Care* bills you’d think the cost would have come down and 18,000 people would still be alive. But it’s not happening is it. Well sounds to me like the parasite is still there. It must be the Health Care* Providers who are the parasites (again, see definition of Health Care* above).

Here’s the deal everybody: Health Insurance* pays for our Health Care*. Health Care* costs are going up. So to keep up with the rising cost of Health Care*, Health Insurance* premiums will go up. To combat this and stop the out of pocket expenses for the consumer of Health Care*, we need the HEALTH CARE* PROVIDERS TO STOP CHARGING SO MUCH FOR HEALTH CARE*!

But just like the spoiled brat on the My Super Sweet MTV show who is afraid to make daddy too angry when he bought the wrong color Lexus, we too as Health Care* consumers are afraid to tell the doctor who is about to cut into us that we feel like we’re getting ripped off. Because if we do…well I don’t want to know what might happen if I did that.

I hope that helps future Universal Health Care* article writers clarify in their writings the difference between Health Care* and Health Insurance*. And a little bit about who the parasites really are.

High gas prices have inadvertently made some people, who wouldn’t have otherwise, walk or bike to work. Next time you’re out around 5:00 or quitting time, look around.  I see some people riding bikes who look like they haven’t been on a bike in years. I see more people walking around 5:00 who look like they are wearing work cloths and they have back packs on. And I think to myself “This is great!” Not only are they saving money on gas but if I’m not mistaking, their getting some exercise and it looks like their actually having a little fun.

Do higher gas prices equal a healthier America? I don’t know. But from what I see I think it may be helping by forcing some to get up and move around. Maybe it’s also keeping people from visiting the drive threw as often and forcing them to eat in. Home cooked meals are usually healthier anyway.

Now I know some people have been blessed with good health and others by no fault of their own misfortune of an illness. But many of us otherwise healthy people have just become lazy. If more of us get up, dust of that old bike in the garage and ride it to work or to the market a few times, we might just fight off that extra 10 pounds, and become healthier.

This is where we come full circle in regards to “price”. By biking or walking to work we’ll become healthier and this will help reduce our cost for health care. Some people may be able to reverse or minimize symptoms or illnesses such as diabetes or even prevent them in the first place by walking or biking to work. If we are healthier, we can also consider health insurance plans with lower premiums thus saving money. Healthier people don’t need to see the doctor except for maybe once a year. So why buy an expensive health plan? Buy a plan like an HSA health plan that has cheap rates and covers you very well on a big claim. I think it’s a smart choice for many people wanting to save on health insurance premiums.

I may be painting a rosy picture here but, when life gives you lemons… These high gas prices are forcing many people to revisit the old Schwinn. I say take advantage of it. Become healthier and reduce your health care cost.