Thank goodness Byron “Crocodile Doomedee” had been prudent enough to pay an office call to his favorite California Health Insurance agent before the accident occurred.
Who would have thunk it? Byron Doomedee had been trained since the age of six as a croc hunter. Coming to America from his native Brisbane, he’d been hoping to get in the movies like other croc-hunting Aussies, but it never happened. In fact, Byron’s last real job — raking elephant dung at a small New Jersey zoo, had ended nearly a year ago. The elephant in question, a large African bull, had unfortunately developed constipation. Byron had moved on to Hollywood, briefly finding temp work at a traveling circus in Beverly Hills, wrestling alligators on Tuesdays. When the circus inevitably left town, Byron was bereft once again. This meant pounding the pavement an awful lot. In August he’d paid an office call to a California Health Insurance agent, and after buying a policy there, an act which seemed at the time as aimless as being unemployed, he kept pounding the city’s sidewalks looking for a real job – hopefully something that didn’t involve a rake. One crisp autumn day, he learned from his entertainment agent that a television audition was in the works, and became so excited that he tripped on a crack that appeared in his mind’s eye like a crocodile’s jaws – and so fell and broke his tailbone in two places.
When Byron called his California Health Insurance agent for advice while lying flat on his back in terrible pain, his agent recommended that he hail a cab to the hospital if he could still hop, telling him to scream for a street side stretcher if not. It turned out Byron was rescued by a rickshaw in the vicinity, one being towed by a marginally employed bull elephant that somehow looked familiar. Sitting atop the elephant, Byron nearly felt exhilarated again, almost as if he was back in New Jersey and gainfully employed. He was quite cushioned too, which lessened the pain in his twice-fractured tailbone. Dismounting at the nearest hospital proved to be a definite ordeal, but once there he was welcomed heartily. One of the doctors had a crocodile for him to see and knew by heart most of the movies he’d never been in.